What is Assertive Behavior?
It is standing up for your rights and expressing what you feel, believe, and want in direct, honest, and appropriate ways that respect the rights of others.
Why and when do we avoid being assertive?
· When we are overly concerned about hurting the other person's feelings.
· By fooling ourselves into believing our feelings are not real or are not valid (i.e. "I really shouldn't feel this way.")
· When we believe our feelings are unimportant compared with someone else's feelings.
· When we fear that an unbearable scene and confrontation will occur if we become assertive.
· As a manipulative tool we become nonassertive to force another person into making decisions for us, thus giving up our control over the situation.
Making changes involves risk taking. Some people who are used to getting their way and having others give in to them, may not be happy when changes are made. When we approach situations assertively and with honesty, respect, and openness we will increase our confidence. We are also more likely to get what we want and to be understood. Assertiveness is about taking care of yourself but not trampling on the rights of others. It is imperative that we are assertive "in the moment" as much as possible and that we are direct and specific in conveying our feelings, our wants, our needs, and our thoughts.
"I don't have time". How many times have we repeated that phrase over the past week, month or year? We all have "time"; in fact, we all have 168 hours in every week. The important part is how we choose to use that time.
If we remove the 8 hours a day for sleeping (56 hours) and 50 hours a week for working and commuting, we still have 62 hours a week for "other things". If you are struggling to think of how you are spending this time, it may help to keep a time log. Of course, there are APPS out there for you to use to keep track of your time if you aren't sure how to begin.
One of the things I have found is that people typically believe it will take them longer to do some chores than it really does. For example, emptying the dishwasher takes me a minute (I have timed it) and folding a load of laundry takes me less than two minutes.
Of course, we tend to waste alot of time by multi-tasking and losing track of what we were trying to accomplish. Time is wasted on "surfing the internet", shopping online, and checking social media or emails. For example, doing any of these things 10 times a day for 6 minutes adds up to 1 hour a day...the time you could spend exercising that you claim you just don't have time for.
So, remember that the hours you have available can be spent doing what is important to you....spending time with family, exercising, or participating in a hobby. The bottom line is, you are choosing your priority during that time. When you look at your time log are you satisfied with the choices you are making?
New Year Goals to Keep You Healthy
Here are some New Year Goals that will keep you healthy emotionally, socially, mentally and spiritually:
Linda Peterman, Life Coach, Retired Mental Health Counselor